Gritty science fiction has been gaining in popularity over the past few years, and much of that is thanks to one man; Neil Blomkamp. Featuring steam-punk slums, tattooed cyborgs, and completely unreasonable amounts of graffiti, his stories are distinct, screaming a style in every film cell that is distinctly Blomkamp’s own. In many ways, this is great, but it also shows a lack of diversity. And this unfortunately works to the detriment of Chappie. After the strong District 9 and Elysium, Blomkamp’s third outing lacks the strong elements of his previous portfolio while retaining all their weaknesses. A stylistic paintjob on a rust worn mech, Chappie would have been more aptly titled if the H were replaced with an R.

 

While District 9 represented immigration and Elysium was a heavy handed slam at non-universal health care, the message of Chappie isn’t as clear. Telling the story of the titular sentient robot and his search for purpose, the message, if there is one is smothered beneath a long series of poor decisions. The intelligent robot himself is the first billed character here for obvious reasons, but the majority of the film actually follows a group of criminals.

 

And not handsome, diamond in the rough, Aladdin style thieves mind you. We see this jolly duo, named Ninja and Yolandi, murder, steal, abuse the kidnapped Chappie, and snort everything from cocaine to Gorilla Glue. Their style consists of explicit tattoos and tattered rags from Hot Topic. Frankly, they look a lot more like meth-head back up dancers to Vanilla Ice than the “hardcore gansta-sh!@” they claim to represent. I can applaud the creativity of not going for your typical clean cut, square jawed, American hero, but this pair of annoying, petulant gutter trash isn’t a great replacement.

               

Chappie himself isn’t much better. More Jar-Jar Binks than R2-D2, the lovable robot spends most of the movie stealing cars, throwing shurikens into bank guards (OK that is pretty cool) and using language that’d make George Carlin blush. His childlike naiveté and assorted felonies may be due to the abuse he suffers at the hands of his captors, but that just raises a strong point. Maybe we shouldn’t let robots become self-aware. As cute as Chap might be with his adorable little antenna ears, and the goofy way he trots around on his too short legs, there are very few things in life worth taking a ninja star to the face for.

               

Perhaps Chappie’s biggest accomplishment is the sheer amount of awful acting they managed to squeeze into 120 minutes. Perhaps my favorite part of the film was the roided up punk leader Hippo, who, despite his use of garbled English, spoke so incoherently they gave him subtitles. Hippo is complemented by Hugh Jackman in the worst role of his career, the kid who played Zuko in the live action Airbender film, and South African hip-hop duo Ninja and Visser. Following a long line of singers/athletes/kids-of-rich-daddies who think they can act, the duo provides the worst performance I’ve ever seen in a major Hollywood picture. I’d say they should stick to rapping, but a quick search on YouTube proves their not much good at that either.

               

But honestly, even if they had cast Marlon Brando and Humphrey Bogart in the lead roles, Chappie still would’ve been a dud. Some of the stupidest scenes include a human brain, 100 terabytes of information, stored on a 16 gigabyte flash drive, a single unarmed robot storming a weapons facility (A WEAPONS FACITLY, for God’s sake) and surviving ,and Hugh Jackman screaming in a thick accent that’s ½ Crocodile Dundee, ½ Rocky Balboa chewing on a moth ball. And I assure you, should the misfortune of watching this drainage ever cross your path, there are far more.

               

If you go into Chappie looking to for the production quality and stylistic approach Neil is known for, and can stand the performances before gouging out your eyes and pouring hot wax down your ears, there might be enough material here for you to enjoy. Heck, South African hip hop fans (there has to be some out there right?) might dig seeing the “stars” of their genre in something moderately mainstream. But compared to the best picture nominated District 9 and the $285,000,000 grossing Elysium, Chappie is a staggering drop in quality. At 35 years old, Blomkamp still has a long career ahead of him. Let’s hope Chappie becomes the low point, rather than the norm.