Finding Family: Starkey Gets More than a Home with Burtons
By Jeff Toquinto on April 22, 2012 via Connect-Bridgeport.com
The thought of turning 18 and never having experienced what family was all about was all but a certainty for a young teenager named J.J. “John” Starkey. And to be honest, if anyone knew of his situation no one could blame this youngster for his pessimism.
Diagnosed at birth with Cystic Fibrosis, things were never easy and only seemed to get worse for Starkey. His father passed away at age four. His mother would die by the time he was 11. Unfortunately, when things didn’t seem like they could become bleaker, they did.
Left in the care of a sibling after his mother’s passing, Starkey, who admittedly did little to battle his disease, may have felt he had bigger issues to handle. His sibling was a drug addict and in and out of jail more times than he cared to remember. Because of that, he ended up switching time between his Clarksburg home and time with his grandmother in Bridgeport. Grandma’s house, however, wasn’t the sanctuary he had hoped.
“It’s very tough living with someone when you have a lung disorder and they smoke. My grandmother smoked cigarettes and that was part of the reason I didn’t want to be there,” Starkey said. “There was also a huge generation gap and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I was really stubborn at the time.”
Given the choice of the two locations, Starkey chose to stay with his grandmother. That meant a transfer from Washington Irving in Clarksburg to Bridgeport Middle School. In his youthful mind, it also meant he had to become part of the enemy school. The worries proved to be unfounded.
“I always thought Bridgeport was not the place to be because I was 110 percent Clarksburg, and still like it there,” Starkey said. “But my fears about going to WI’s rival were for nothing. I can’t tell you how accepted I was.”
In eighth grade, at age 14 and battling Cystic Fibrosis, Starkey fit in quickly. And he fit in due in large part to an individual that would help change his life and provide him the family life he figured was never meant for him – classmate Grant Burton.
“I didn’t really give anything much thought when I first met him. His personality just fell in good with all of our friends. He was easy going and a very nice kid to joke around with,” Grant said. “He fit in and played sports and that was how it got started.”
Along with fellow classmate Ben Francis and others, they took Starkey into the pack. And at first, until an illness issue forced him to find another location, Starkey stayed frequently with Francis.
“I just figured he’d stay for a week or two until Ben got better. I think those two weeks are up now,” Grant joked. “It’s never been a problem because we were and still are friends and now brothers.
“At the time I didn’t think he was going to be there for good, but I wanted to help because by that time I knew the situation,” Grant, who is an assistant track coach at West Virginia Wesleyan and an adjunct professor, continued. “There are no regrets and there was no trouble. What I got out of it was a brother.”
Starkey would graduate with his “brother” Grant from BHS in 2003. He would then head off to the University of Nevada Las Vegas, primarily due to a better climate, which helps with his ailment. Now, in 2012, he still returns home when he’s not doing work on his Master’s Degree in education and higher education.
“You know, I’m doing pretty well for someone who has a disease where the life expectancy is 38 years,” Starkey, who began taking his treatments seriously after moving in with the Burtons, said. “The good news is that the doctor said I’m one of the healthiest CF patients he’s seen.”
Part of that results from three hours of daily breathing treatments, making sure dozens of pills are taken, and understanding no matter how much treatment he does there are going to be infections, and complications with organs such as the pancreas, liver and lungs. Grant Burton, as mentioned wasn’t aware of it at first. Starkey said he talked briefly about it with Grant, but that it didn’t seem to bother his new friend. In reality, Starkey said Grant was basically a friend wanting to let him stay with him “until I got back on my feet.”
“It was initially a night or two stay over thing. What really happened is that I just stayed,” Starkey said. “Kym and Don (Burton), who I call mom and dad, never said “are you planning on staying forever?” It just worked out and I couldn’t be more thankful. But what really truly made it special was when Grant and Sarah (Grant’s younger sister) would introduce me as a brother. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. They’re a special family.”
For Don and Kym Burton, the parents who took Starkey in, their worries were roughly the same. And it had little to do with the Cystic Fibrosis once they learned about it.
“My issue was how much time will this take away from Grant and Sarah. Grant ended up sharing his room and you know how important that is,” Don Burton said. “How much of mom and dad’s time would Jay take away from Sarah and Grant and would they be comfortable with that.”
Kym Burton had the same major concern.
“All of the sudden, Grant is sharing his bedroom and he and his sister are sharing their parents,” Kym said. “That was my worry, and is this okay with them? When I brought it up, they just got up in arms about it so I knew it was okay.”
For Sarah, the situation was a little awkward at first, primarily because she was the little sister. But everything worked out wonderfully.
“He became like one of my brothers automatically so I had two older brothers who were very protective,” Sarah said.
One thing Sarah didn’t know a whole lot was the situation in which Starkey had been dealt. However, she knew she trusted her parents’ decisions and that was more than enough for her.
“As I got older I learned more and we got closer and he opened up to me,” Sarah, who is currently at Florida Atlantic University getting her Master’s Degree in Exercise Physiology, said. About the only real problem involving Starkey and Sarah came as the result of “big brother” syndrome. Starkey, said Kym, felt the need to watch over her.
“He became really protective, actually overprotective,” Kym said. “I explained to him Don and I will make the decisions on if the people she is out with are okay and if what she wears is okay. Other than that, there wasn’t much of an issue.”
Certainly, Starkey never had much of an issue with what the Burtons had to offer. To this day, he doesn’t know how to ever pay the Burtons back for their kindness.
“Guys like Grant, Ben, Derek Hotsinpiller, Anthony Ferrari and others were so kind. Then people like Jack and Patty Merinar also had such an influence. They all helped me find that elusive home in Bridgeport,” said Starkey. “When it comes to the Burtons I’m at a loss for words as to how they opened themselves up to me,” Starkey said. “I don’t know if, and I don’t think, I’d be where I am now without them.”
As for the Burtons, the reward was a two-way street. And that comes from all of the family members.
“I saw what kind of people my parents are and it opened my eyes to things that I should be thankful for,” Grant said.
His sister agreed.
“Actually, along with getting a brother, the biggest effect on me is that I have such tremendous respect for what my parents did by taking on another child. J.J. has been a positive influence on my life and has made me appreciate all of my blessings,” Sarah said.
Don Burton said that he showed him and his family “how very blessed we were. Some people don’t even have the capability to take a kid in. We were blessed to be able to do that, but I don’t think it’s anything to boast about. You just try and do the right thing.”
As for Kym, she recalls a moment when Starkey was in the hospital. She said he told her something that knew he understood where he came from and where he was heading.
“He was just 17 and in the hospital and I was telling him how proud of him I was and before I could finish he looked directly into my I eyes and said I’d be proud of him when he had a wife and child,” Kym said. “He said he was going to do it right because he felt he never had it right with family. He wanted to share that with someone.”
Thanks to the Burtons showing him what family is all about, he now has a chance to have one of his own. For J.J. “John” Starkey, nothing could be better.
EDITOR’S NOTE: On April 28, on the campus of the University of Nevada Las Vegas, John Starkey will lead his group, “Team Bring It” in the second annual Great Strides 5K Walk. Last year, Starkey’s group raised more than $5,000 for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. This year, he said the goal is $10,000 and if that goal is reached, he’ll run in a marathon. To donate, go to the line below.
