How does one let go of control? Especially as we begin to understand how little we actually have control of.

 

I think of the words of the serenity prayer. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. You’ve heard it before, I’m sure. You may have even prayed it. I joke often with clients when they say things like ‘I keep praying for patience’. Not because I believe their prayer won’t be answered but because I know it will. Their prayer for patience will be answered with traffic jams, long lines, and other opportunities to practice patience. So how does one let go of control? Through practice. Practicing mindfulness at that.

 

This isn’t the kind of letting go you are thinking or that Elsa was signing about. This isn’t passively with the brushing off of a hand or figurative brushing off kind of “letting go”. This is acceptance, courage, and wisdom. In my group coaching, one-one-one coaching, and in my own personal life we apply these concepts of mindfulness. Utilizing the Eight Attitudes of Mindfulness. 

 

1. Beginner’s Mind: approaching everything like a child - full of intuition and free of expectations from past experiences. Being the active observer with no other agenda but to be fully present.

 

2. Nonjudging: while observing you become an impartial witness, observing without judging helps you see this as they are.

 

3. Acceptance: once you are able to see things as they are you learn to accept things as they are. By fully accepting what each moment offers, you are able to experience life much more completely.

 

4. Nonstriving: I often talk about the figurative treadmill of life where we are constantly chasing after the “good” feelings and running from the “bad” feelings. Nonstriving is the figurative stepping off of the treadmill. There is no other goal than to be yourself.

 

5. Letting be: The Beatles nailed this. You simply allow things to be as they are with no need to try to let go of whatever is present. With a lot of the tools we cultivate in this practice we learn how to “sit in it” without being consumed or controlled by it.

 

6. Trust: Learning to trust your own experience, feelings, inner life and intuition — loosening yourself from the tyranny of authority and the harsh, inner critic. Whew. No short order, huh?

 

7. Patience: in meditation we practice this by actively practicing slowing down our mind to the rhythm of the body. Practicing slowing down our bodies to the rhythm of the breath. Our breath and our body are constantly reminding us that life will unfold in their own time.

 

8. Compassion: this is where we land. From the difficulties of life and living - because it is very hard to be human - to compassion for self and others.

 

Don’t be overwhelmed. You don’t have to memorize them and you don’t have to practice them all at once. It is easier if you view these attitudes like a cascading waterfall fountain starting with the beginner’s mind and cascading down the attitudes until you’ve found yourself immersed in the waters of compassion.

 

As we put these practices to use in our lives we find that with nonjudging, acceptance, and letting be we are able to accept the things we cannot change. We find that nonstriving, trust, and patience gives us the courage to change the things that we can. And the beginner’s mind and compassion give us the wisdom to know the difference. Practice and mindfulness - that is how one begins to let go of control.

 

With serenity,

 

Melissa