One of the most difficult, yet unidentified roadblocks to changing yourself (and that is an all encompassing habits, behaviors… you) are the people in your life. And not in the way you’re thinking. People don’t prevent you from changing just because they are not changing with you or walking in the same direction. It’s because, as humans, we don’t historically leave people room to grow. That goes for others not leaving you room to grow and yourself not leaving room for others to grow. 

 

This disconnect begins because you, like everyone else, have trained your brain to “fill in the blanks” of life. You have become a mindreader convinced that you know exactly what everyone else is thinking and meaning. You judge each experience based on past experiences. So as you begin to change behaviors, habits, and yourself you will find that everyone around you still engages and reacts with all of their past experiences with you.

 

Frustrating, right?

 

It’s like when your parents still view you as and angry seventeen your old (or is that just me?!). Or if your partner still views you as the person you were when you first met but since having children, a career, or great loss you view the world differently. Maybe your friends have said so many times “you are always the one that…” so many times that you feel as thought you must fulfill that role. As the people around you are engaging and reacting to you as the habits, behaviors, and person you were before it makes it much easier to slide right back into those old patterns. Then you are frustrated with them and frustrated with yourself.

 

The first thing you can do to roll right on through this roadblock is bring your awareness to it. It’s difficult and by difficult I mean impossible to find solutions to a problem you aren’t fully aware of or are identifying it as something else. This means dropping your mind reading and entering into each new experience without judgement and if it is the very first time. This leaves room for others to grow and shows them how you will engage. This means showing yourself and others grace because you have spent years if not your entire life building and practices those old habits, behaviors, and patterns. Growth is not a short straight road - it is a long, steep, lots-of-switch-backs, rough-terrain trail.

 

Be patient and gentle with yourself and others as you practice these new ways of being. It is okay if the people in your circle are not traveling the same road, as long as they are stopping you from walking yours. That means that sometimes when people are stunting us from moving forward, growing, and changing that it is okay to ask for space. It is okay to ask for room to grow. If that space can’t be provided it’s okay to distance yourself. You can love and cherish them from afar until you are ready. 

 

Once you are aware then you can begin to build your support system. This doesn’t mean replacing your existing people or your existing support system - this means expanding upon it. Expand the way you even consider befriending others. Look for the teachers, coaches, counselors, guides that are building a support system of people and inviting you to find your own space and you own answers.

 

Right now more than ever you have the ability to find friends, support systems, groups, and people that have space for you to grow. Use the resources you have. Use your social media to create space and support - delete and unfollow accounts that helped perpetuate the old patterns. Follow and find those that support the new habits, behaviors, and patterns.

 

Don’t stunt your growth just to maintain the role you’ve been playing. Give yourself room to grow.