Sooo... 2016, eh? As the year comes to an end I've done a lot of soul searching. At the beginning of 2016 I read the book The Happiness Project (as I've mentioned before) and one of my favorite takeaways was that Gretchen Rubin created her own personal commandments and of course, me being me, I fell in love with the idea. It took me the entire year but I've finally completed my 10 Personal Commandments. Please, don't be offended, it's not meant to be blasphemous; it was just much easier than saying Here's A List of Ten Things That I Had To Learn The Really, Really Hard Way And Would Not Like To Have To Learn Again. 

 

Right when I decided to come up with my own personal commandments I came up with the first six: 

I came up with these very quickly because they were the mistakes I kept making over and over again, and to be honest I'm still working on them. Before I get to the final four, let me explain these.

 

1. If you said you're going to do it, do it. Everything sounds good to me when it is far off in the distance... a weekend trip? Yes! A big race? Count me in. A night out on the town? I'm all about it. Until I have to actually do it. I'm a bit of a homebody and I really like (aka need) time to myself so I get a bit of anxiety when it comes to things like traveling for the weekend with a big group of people. At one point in my life, I'd back out at the last minute. Now, I go. If I said I was going to go, I go. This is made me MUCH more conscious of the plans I make and given me the space I needed to get to know myself a little better.

 

2. Identify the problem. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, have you ever lost your ever-loving mind over something like having to take your dog out? Because I have. I've gotten out of bed at ridiculous hours to do things like jumping in a cold pool, lifting heavy weights, and nursing a newborn... do you really think that having to take my own dog out at 8am would send me over the edge? The answer is no. That wasn't the problem. And had I identified the problem sooner I wouldn't have had a new problem to deal with.

3. No calculations. Are you keeping score? Calculating the number of things you've done for someone versus what they've done for you? If you are then NEITHER of you are getting what you need. Do nice, thoughtful things for people because you are a nice, thoughtful person. Even if they can't, or won't, repay you I promise that you will get your value out of it!

 

4. Act the way you want to feel. I've shared this before in an entire blog, acting the way you want to feel is your own bit of magic! Check it out here.

 

5. If it will take less than 10 minutes, do it now. Seriously, this one is so simple and effective and so many of us avoid it. Doing small tasks as they need done saves you MASSIVE time later. Fold the laundry and put it away consecutively. If you still don't believe me, think about that time you had to file all of the things at the same time....

 

6. No is not a bad word. In Brene Brown's words: we are a nation of exhausted and overstressed adults raising over scheduled children. Another entire blog I did, here. If there is anything you take away from this it is that for every "yes" you are going to have to say "no" to something else; those somethings usually are self-care, quality time, rest, exercise, ya know.. necessities! It is OKAY to say "let me get back to you" and really spending the time to decide what is right for you. Saying yes to everything and delivering half quality effort, or even worse backing out at the last minute, is much harder than saying no. 

 

The last four get tricky. Mainly because they are a little bit tougher, and I really had to dig deep.

 

7. Have the uncomfortable conversation

8. Let it go.

9. Focus only on that which you can control.

10. You first.

 

Let me explain...

 

7. Have the uncomfortable conversations. Friendships, romantic relationships, business deals, just about everything I can think of has been destroyed by people avoiding uncomfortable conversations. It starts as small as a hurtful word and can roll into the complete dissolution of a partnership; days, months and years become much more than uncomfortable all to avoid a 10 minute conversation of "hey, I don't like how you're making me feel". 

 

8. Let it go. If you've learned anything from Disney it's that you should just let it go. In 2009 I heard one of the most powerful sermons of my life. Bishop TD Jakes said: "You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it." Find the gift of goodbye. Let it hurt, let it heal and then LET IT GO.

9. Focus only on that which you can control. This is a funny one because it both needs no explanation but deserves an entire book. I don't know about you but I don't have the time, energy or brain power to devote to things that I can't do a damn thing about. So this year I'm not doing it. 

 

10. You first. How can this be a hard one for me when I've built an entire business off of the idea? Well, because I too put my clients first, my husband, and now my child. I learned a short time ago that I did not have to work with clients who cause me distress. I do not have to overextend myself, say yes to too many hours, or agree to things I don't believe in all for the sake of "success". I don't push products, I don't make promises I can't keep and I will never sell out my beliefs for a dollar because that would not be ME. Putting myself first means my beliefs, my integrity, my emotions, my self-care, my self-love, my time and all the messiness of it. If I am not taking care of myself I am literally unable to properly take care of anyone or anything else. It's not selfish, it's essential.