The first day that approached 90 degrees I got dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt. I looked in the mirror and saw the cellulite on my legs and my first thought was “my legs aren’t ready for shorts yet”. Followed quickly by “screw that - it’s 90 degrees outside and that means my legs are ready for shorts”.

 

In this culture our mind and body are the enemy. It’s not an innate instinct, we weren’t born desiring flat stomachs and cellulite free legs. We were not born believing we aren’t enough.

 

I work with women to stop making their mind and body the enemy. Leading and guiding them with tools to reclaim their power and create their own standards. As this intrusive thought occurred I applied one of my tools and created my own standard (90 degrees means my legs are ready for shorts). I shared my experience on my instagram stories, I wanted other women to know they aren’t alone and what I am doing in my own life when I experience negative self-talk (as we all do). I learned two valuable lessons upon posting my experience: 1) women need to hear and see more of this, we have to start talking about our shared experience and 2) some people still aren’t seeing where the problem lies.

 

Negative self-talk has no boundaries or lines, it’s experienced by every race, color, creed, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender expression, age, height, weight, physical or mental ability. Granted - our culture certainly turns the volume way up on the negative self-talk when it comes to many of those demographics. That’s the thing - it’s the volume on outside voices. If we weren’t born with the innate desire for flat stomachs and cellulite free legs, if we weren’t born feeling not good enough, what happened?

 

Everything we’ve seen in the movies, TV shows, and commercials happened. Every magazine cover that equated happiness and healthiness to being thin happened. Every well meaning parent that didn’t have tools so they restricted their children’s food happened. The building blocks started at a young age and stacked up with each new piece of information boasting the same or a similar message. It’s okay to get angry about it. You should be angry. And then you should remember that it’s not you. It's not YOU - you're the one listening.

 

Creating the awareness of these two separates gives us the opportunity to take a pause and engage in a more mindful way. Creating this awareness gives us a chance to reclaim our power. So we give her a name. This is a fan favorite and one of the first tools we learn in the Redefining Healthy Initiative, a six week group coaching program designed for women to come together to stop going through the motions and live a more meaningful and mindful life.

 

I’ve had women call her mom, her mother’s name, a character from a movie’s name, a man’s name, a Disney villain’s name, or creative names like crooked or leaky. We give this negative self-talk, this inner critic, this mean inner roommate a name. We're not in this to argue with her, we're in this to turn her volume down and the volume of our own innate intelligence up. This simple act reminds us that we re separate. This simple act turns this intrusive thought into a mental event as opposed to fact.

 

When I shared this exchange on my instagram story I had many women reaching out letting me know that they experienced the exact same thing or that they took solace in knowing that even someone who society deems as fit still experiences the same intrusive thoughts. I also received well meaning messages reminding me that my body looks great, or telling me to stop thinking that way, and one even went so far as telling me if I compared myself to other women my age…. sigh.

 

Here’s the thing, I appreciate you. Words of Affirmation is my love language so please I will kindly accept compliments. This, however, is different. My body is not the problem, my cellulite is not the problem. The dialogue about our bodies, the judgement about our bodies, the standards made up about our bodies is the problem. The fact that we are taught to compare ourselves to others in order to feel good is the problem.

 

Cellulite itself has never once caused me distress or frustration. The belief that I should not have cellulite, the belief that I am a lesser trainer, coach, instructor, because I have cellulite has caused me a good amount of frustration. Aspiring to improve the health and functioning of our bodies is healthy. What we are doing, what we are aspiring for, is not so healthy. The constant before and after photos, the constant thin messaging, the constant comparison and noise from outside voices may be a pretty effective marketing strategy but it’s causing us humans a great deal of distress and frustration. As for you, your self-esteem, and your personal satisfaction begin to untangle yourself from those webs.

 

Switch focus to the things you really want: to feel good, to feel strong, to be confident and create your own standards for what that means to

you. And when intrusive thoughts start to creep in, as they will, give her a name.

 

Love,